In an ideal scene, both partners would equally develop their masculine and feminine characteristics.
The purpose of this article is to highlight one of the oldest and most pervasive dramas that exist between men and women, and to provide a roadmap of what to do to get out of what we refer to as the “plot.”
When we talk of the plot, we are referring to the story or interrelated sequence of events that exists between two or more people. The nature of a plot is that it takes a minimum of two sides in order to exist. When one side decides to exit the plot and takes the necessary steps to do this, the plot can no longer exist. Therefore, if a plot is existing, then both sides are contributing to it.
A relationship is often a complex web of plots that combine into a major theme. Therefore, if you can identify and resolve the major themes, you can experience a quantum leap in your results and level of intimacy.
In an ideal scene, both partners would equally develop their masculine and feminine characteristics. One partner is utilizing more masculine qualities, and the other is utilizing more feminine qualities in their expression with each other.
Problems occur in a partnership when one of the partners has not developed or embraced the characteristics of their gender. This forces their partner to compensate by taking on and expressing the opposite characteristics of their gender.
In other words if a man isn’t fully developed in his masculine role, then the woman in the partnership is forced to take on and act out the masculine traits that her partner isn’t owning. On the other hand, when a woman is over-expressing masculine characteristics, then the man is forced to become more effeminate and to under-express his masculine characteristics.
This can show up as a lack of male productivity – resulting in a lower than normal self-worth and a low income. For a man, his self-esteem is directly connected to his sense of productivity.
If you want to disempower a man, make him feel unproductive. If you want to disempower a woman, make her feel ugly.
The basic masculine and feminine characteristics or qualities are as follows:
| Masculine Qualities | Feminine Qualities |
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To the extent that a person is missing or overdeveloped in any of these qualities, they will draw partners to themselves who play right into their plot!
So the first key to escape this scenario is to look at which of the masculine and feminine characteristics you have developed and are able to express – and which are underdeveloped and unexpressed in you.
The second key is to look at which of the masculine and feminine characteristics your partner has developed and are able to express – and which are underdeveloped and unexpressed in them.
Competitive?
For example, if both partners are overly competitive – then you will have a partnership that is combative, argumentative and constantly challenging. The solution in this example is not for the man to win the competition, or to back down. This will only lead to a lack of productivity. The most effective solution would be for the woman to stop being competitive with the man, and to focus on supporting him to channel his competitive spirit into an appropriate expression that benefits the partnership.
This is not to say that the woman should not be competitive, or that the man should not be supportive of her competitive expression. What we are saying is that in the partnership, they should not compete with each other!
And finally, if a man is getting all his needs met, is productive, expressive, and the woman is not getting her needs met, she will either shut down sexually, or become nagging and controlling. A healthy balance of masculine and feminine characteristics in both partners, with each partner expressing the characteristics of their gender, is the only way to develop and sustain a fulfilling, productive and rewarding partnership.
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Christopher Snell
If a man was raised by his mom without a dad, then he will not have the demonstrating benefits of the masculine. So his feminine side will be more pronounced. So how many men do you see being raised by just one parent?
So as a healthy productive person that you are, how can you teach your partner balance?
Balancing the masculine and feminine is still just part of this equation: there is the fine art and practice of healthy boundaries, the persistent attention and focus of toning down and taking ownership of one’s dysfunctional ego, and taking charge of the direction and well-fair of your own happiness-because when you make him responsible for it… he’s just guessing.
A lot of this stuff isn’t taught any more. Parents plop their kids down in front of the TV set, and if they don’t learn it all there they learn it on the streets. Anyway, there’s a lot of BS in this crazy world, where do we start.
Blessings be upon you…
Andrew John Harrison
Christopher: Great questions and comments! Yes, we do see a lot of children raised by one parent and as a result they can end up lacking good role models of the opposite sex parent who is missing. If the single parent is aware of this they can compensate in real time.
It can also happen when a child has both parents… if one parent is more dominant the child will duplicate them and end up being out of balance too. It is worth noting that “dominant” can be the productive or nonproductive parent…
The optimum would be to have healthy role models of adults who demonstrate a balance of masculine and feminine qualities… in a partnership of equals and that is exactly what we need more of! Balanced, healthy role models or people working together.
Indeed healthy boundaries are a must!
Taking ownership of one’s dysfunctional ego seems to be a lifelong quest… and very much worth the effort. The benefits include more flow and less struggle. Better relationships. More sustainable happiness and less depression.
TV babysitters are now replaced by smartphones with games and streaming videos… my 19 month old has an iphone already! The key is to include lots of one-on-one time in addition to the games and videos.